to immaturity. He is three years younger than Lionel Messi

As a die-hard Baltimore Ravens fan, certainly Id like to ease into a 5-year, 40-million dollar deal with my boys in purple (though blue better complements my skin tone). The club has a need at starting left tackle — with Eugene Monroe potentially on the move — and the entire offensive line is in disarray. Still, I tell myself, Ive got to stay open to possibilities. So Ive hired an agent. He keeps insisting hes not the type of agent Im seeking, and really wants me to check out a fully furnished 2-bedroom condo he wont stop talking about. His name is Gary Maguire and theres just something exciting about him. Maybe its the crazy look in his eyes. Maybe its that he keeps repeating "help me, help you". Whatever it is, he really gets me: Maguire: You dont look like an NFL player.Gallay: I get that a lot.Maguire: Not sure youre even muscular enough to be an NFL fan.Gallay: Im going to put my clothes back on.Maguire: Shouldnt you declare for the draft first—not free agency?Gallay: Theres too much running at the Scouting Combine. Not my strong suit.Maguire: So how am I going to pitch you to NFL front offices? What are your skills?Gallay: Im tenacious. Im focused. I cant catch a football, but I can clumsily swat at other people playing football. My wife says Im in the way a lot, so I plan on using that to my advantage. Im also dangerously delusional. (I hand him a doctors note.)Maguire: Fine. Ive seen more done with less. Lets talk staging. After discussing mortgage pre-approval for some reason, he and I come up with a plan. He explains to me how most NFL offensive linemen are well over six feet tall, roughly 300-350 pounds, a decade younger than me, and likely had a successful college career followed by some prior success in the NFL. I explain to him that Im not like other people. We settle on agreeing Im a maverick and get to work. "First, you need to put on 165 pounds." I tell him no problem, I did it once, I can do it again. He advises me Ill have to do it in under 35 years this time. Ideally hed like me to hit the target weight by mid-afternoon. Im on it, I holler, through large bites of tofurkey. He stops me as I head towards the bathroom, reminding me I cant afford to lose any weight today. "Next, you need to grow five inches, possibly seven." I explain to him that my whole allure is quarterbacks will have no problem seeing over top of me. Of the other significant O-line free agents, Branden Albert is 65. So is Eugene Monroe. And Rodger Saffold. Jared Veldheer is 68! My shortness and poor posture is EXACTLY how Im gonna differentiate myself from those terrifying brutes! Maguire is unconvinced, so I grudgingly step into the medieval stretching machine he found on Kijiji. It smells of pine wood and suffering, which Im told is exactly what Vince Lombardis station wagon smelled like. "Your hands are too small. Left tackles have huge mitts." Thats the least of my worries, I explain, as I wrap 50 yards of tape to my left hand. Well just tell coaches I have a sprained thumb and I should be better in 2-4 years. Everyone in the NFL is nursing an injury. Shows Im tough. "What about your embarrassing lack of football knowledge and acumen? You just called a touchdown a Pass-The-Liney-Scorey." Ill give it to Maguire, hes asking all the right questions. I explain how I consume 8 hours of NFL Network every day, a claim which seems to impress him. Also, Im able to name four other offensive linemen, none of them John Madden, which is more than 98% of football fans. (To be fair, since nobody knows their names, Maguire cant verify if Richie Incognito is an actual human being.) "Last thing. What do we do about your, um, advanced age?" No problem, I tell him. Im going to change my name to Stanislav Gomez, a young Cuban defector. (I figure if Oscar Isaac, a multi-talented Cuban-Guatemalan, can play a spot-on pasty neurotic Jew in Inside Llewyn Davis, surely I can do the opposite.) We both nod in unison, followed by an enthusiastic slow clap. Time to show me the money, Maguire. He advises me to not say anything else until Ive contacted a copyright attorney. And here we are, Tuesday, March 11, the opening salvo for NFL free agency. I see that Alterraun Verner my fellow hot commodity free agent has been tweeting bible verses to me (and all his followers) for the past several hours. My Verner Mountain Dog, what a joker! Gosh, I hope we land on the same team. Anyway, I better tweet him back before he gets worried. Also, I better get some rest (Im super fat now). Whatever happens, Im not worried. Its like my dad has always told me, worst comes to worst you fall back on your education. Thank goodness I got that Division I degree in sports anthropology. (Maguire knows a guy who knows a guy who is gonna get me a diploma.) Gonna be a big year. Gallays Poll #2 Which situation would be the best fit for Gallay? a) A multi-year deal with his favourite organization, the Baltimore Ravens (said every Steeler fan).b) Drawing five-pointed stars hoping the Devil shows up offering a deal.c) Pulling out of free agency until 2015 to realize all his goals in intramural soccer baseball.d) Discussing his dosage level with a trained professional. Cheap Adidas NHL Jerseys . LOUIS - The St. Cheap Arizona Coyotes Jerseys . Coaches are now allowed to challenge both called and potential defensive pass interference fouls under certain conditions. http://www.cheapcoyotesjerseys.com/ . Sweeting scored two in the first and three in the second before Strong (4-4) got two back in the fourth. Sweeting then scored three in the fifth, two in the sixth and one in the seventh to grab a commanding 9-2 lead. Wholesale Coyotes Jerseys . Henderson (20-3) received winning scores of 48-47 and 49-46, and the other judge scored it 48-47 for Thomson (20-6). The announcement drew boos from the United Center crowd. "Train this hard for this long, its such a long camp and I see my title shot disappear," said Thomson, who fought most of the fight with a broken right hand. Cheap Adidas Coyotes Jerseys . -- Manchester United thrilled a record crowd with a brilliant opening goal -- and even Cristiano Ronaldos unexpected entrance proved futile for Real Madrid.Liverpool has swapped out one controversial striker for another, filling the offensive void left by Luis Suarez with the enigmatic Mario Balotelli. TSN Soccer Analyst Kristian Jack provides three things we learned from the Italian strikers move to Anfield. 1. Fenway Sports Group conducts its business away from the public eye. John Henry, Tom Werner and Larry Lucchino leaned on Theo Epstein. As the Boston Red Sox moved from lovable losers to winners on the field, their dealings off the field were equally as professional. Of course, their budget helped, but a desire to keep all of their dealings in-house was not something the Fenway Sports Group wanted. It was something they demanded. Their pursuit of star shortstop Alex Rodriguez, then of the Texas Rangers, in 2003, made recently into a short film by ESPN, showed the lengths Epstein and his assistant Jed Hoyer went to try and land A-Rod. How they failed ultimately had nothing to do with their strategic pursuit. FSG have brought that method to Liverpool. This is no longer a club regularly linked with players for weeks before they sign them. Their business is done behind closed doors and the news only breaks when the transfer is a formality. The latest acquisition of Mario Balotelli highlights this attitude and also provides the exact reasons for such a strategy. Balotelli is arguably the most polarizing footballer on the planet. Any long, drawn-out pursuit of such a player can be mentally exhausting for any organization. Liverpool conducted their search the right way and the moment it became public no one could question whether the Reds should get the Italian, as it was already a done deal. 2. Liverpool continue to shop at a realistic level when pursuing players. They do not have the budget of Manchester City or the pull geographically of Chelsea or Arsenal. They cannot afford to sign genuine world class stars on some of the sports largest contracts. However, that doesnt mean Liverpool cannot attract good players. When they sold Fernando Torres to Chelsea they want shopping at the cheaper, Dutch Erevidisie, store and brought in Luis Suarez. With Suarez at Barcelona, Liverpool went on a search to find his replacement. They were linked with Edinson Cavani and Radamel Falcao but they were never realistically in their price range. Those are in the elite class of centre-forwards, a class Liverpool shouldnt waste their time looking at. Instead, Liverpool have landed on a player with incredible potential, a player who they could help graduate to such a class within the next couple of years. It represents great business for manager Brendan Rodgers and CEO Ian Ayre who get a player with experience at the top level but who has underperformed during his career so far. It sends a messagee to the other players in the squad that the club is serious about maintaining their current level as contenders for Champions League spots each season.dddddddddddd Much like the Suarez signing, it is also an acquisition that can set them for years because if Rodgers gets the best out of Balotelli he could end up selling him for five times the price when he is at the peak of his career in two or three seasons. 3. Balotelli remains one of the most overrated players in the game. It will be said that three major clubs have now happily moved on from the Italian and he is only 24. While this is true, the move away from Manchester City was the real indictment on the strikers career. At Inter he left for the bright lights of England under Roberto Mancini with a substantial pay packet, while at Milan it was clear the team was not good enough to have to put up with the issues he brings. Many of the issues off the field have been reported regularly but Balotellis biggest issue of all is the type of player he is on the field. At Manchester City he was incapable of adapting to different roles. He sulked when being taken off, was a liability when asked to play in any other position than up top and wasnt mentally strong enough to wait for his chance. The sport can humble players very quickly but the position he plays requires tremendous patience and maturity as you might only get one chance to win a game. Balotellis ineffectiveness in this area is not down to immaturity. He is three years younger than Lionel Messi and, at 24, is far from the kid many refer to him as. Such negative aspects of his game meant he was no longer a fit in a very good side like City who had better players. It also meant he was no longer a fit in a very average side like Milan because his demands didnt match up with the talent around him. His demands have also not matched up with his own talent. He is built very much like a striker who can play up top on his own, but his overall attitude and tendency to drift out of games is one of the reasons he hasnt started as many Champions League games as he should have. He has an abysmal scoring record in that competition and that will need to change quickly for him to reach the next level. How he left his three previous teams was not all down to his own inefficiencies, however, each time the jury remained out on what type of player he can become. He now goes to a club that will embrace him, a club that creates many goal scoring opportunities that will give him many situations in which to succeed. Balotellis time is now: A time that will allow the jury of public opinion to sit back and see if he develops. How and when he ultimately ends up leaving Liverpool will tell us exactly what type of player he has become. ' ' '